New Mom Real Talk: 2 Months Postpartum
While I still have so much to say on the topic of breastfeeding, I thought we should take a break and talk about some of the other aspects of momhood. As L turned 2 months old yesterday, I was thinking a lot about where I am in getting back to “normalcy.” Let’s just say that as I write this post, my thoughts on the topic are completely scattered and that is basically how I feel about my life on a regular basis. This is NOT a bad thing. In fact, I am beyond happy being a mom. I actually love being a mom (even more than I ever imagined I would). I was lucky to connect with L from the moment he was born, and as he develops his personality I just become more enamored every day.
But I digress. So, normalcy. What does that even mean? Obviously we are talking about a new normal; one that bridges life before baby to life with baby. While I knew that my day-to-day would change and I’d be focused on taking care of a newborn, I think I figured that around the two month mark things would be settled into place and I’d have my you-know-what together. I’d be back at the gym, working on the blog, and thinking about the next step in my career. Um, what?! Maybe it’s because two months is a normal maternity leave for many women, I thought that meant that two months is how long it should take to really be a productive, functioning mom. HA!
The new normal is scheduling my day around feedings (and/or pumping time), a little play time with L, doing many, many loads of laundry (for such a little person, L sure requires a lot of outfit changes), and functioning on just enough sleep. That leaves a few 1-2 hour naps throughout the day to get as much done as possible (ahem, laundry).
Throughout my pregnancy I did yoga, barre workouts and power walked until the very end. I thought that if I could minimize my time between stopping exercise and picking it back up (presumably 6-weeks postpartum), it would be so much easier to get back into shape. <—–HA again! Seriously, while I do miss working out (especially yoga), in the blocks of time that I have available it’s last on my list of things to do. Sometimes we need groceries. Sometimes I have errands to run, and sometimes (okay, all the time), I just don’t have the energy. If I actually find myself without laundry to fold, a bed to make or dinner to cook (who am I kidding, I’ve cooked a full dinner ONCE since L was born), working out really just doesn’t seem appealing in the moment. I’d rather sit on the couch with Matt and just chill out for an hour or so. It’s required for my mental health.
I guess what I’m saying is that life is still one big ball of crazy. Yes, I’m getting a bit more sleep than when L was first born and yes I have gone out a few times without him (often reluctantly), but I don’t feel like things have settled much at all. Or maybe they have and this really is my new normal?
I think I am okay with that. Though, it would be nice if I didn’t feel like my eyebrow situation was out of hand and I could get more than just one thing done a day (this could be thank you notes, chopping up vegetables, or taking a return to the GAP). I’m repeatedly trying to tell myself that it’s okay that I don’t have it all together. There is plenty of time in my future for working out, dieting (er, maybe?), and getting a job. I’m trying to savor each moment and cuddle as much as possible because I know that they are fleeting. I feel extremely lucky that I have the privilege of being home with L for an undetermined amount of time.
However, there are thoughts in the back of my head that pop up every now and again. What’s wrong with me that I’m not more together at this point? How am I not in the gym already (I’ve read blogs where women are working out just three weeks postpartum!)? A month after baby leggings were okay, but shouldn’t I have lost the baby weight by now (or at least tried)? Back and forth I go trying to reassure myself that where I am now is OKAY. Frankly, I bust my butt on a daily basis just trying to keep L’s feeding in check and that really should be all that matters.
Maybe in a few weeks things will settle down, and maybe they won’t. Maybe I won’t know the new normal until L is one year old. And maybe there won’t be a normal. Maybe I should just take each day, one at a time, and see where it takes me. Really, as long as I get to snuggle with my boys, do I really need to worry about the rest?