New Mom Real Talk: A look back on a year of momhood

Where do I even begin? I wanted to post a reflection on my first year of being a mom, but I didn’t realize it would be so difficult to put my thoughts and emotions into words.

It’s been a pretty nostalgic two weeks. The first cool days of fall used to remind me of college (kind of ironic since I went to school in Atlanta), but now I’m taken back to the weeks leading up to L’s birth and the days that immediately followed. That last few weeks of pregnancy were long. There was typical “I-gained-35-pounds” discomfort, I was so sick of being hot, and I just wanted to meet my baby already. I wasn’t even nervous about becoming a mom. I think that the only fear I had was of the unknown in regards to labor. When would it happen? How would I feel? How long would it take? I never shared L’s birth story here, but in summary, I never really went into labor. After a day of lower than normal kick counts, I went in for fluid level monitoring and when L’s heartbeat started going crazy, they broke my water (ouch), nothing progressed and a c-section seemed prudent. Afterwards we found out that it was the right decision and we were blessed to welcome a very healthy baby into the world.

When I think back to those first days in the hospital and then home recovering, it actually feels like it was a very long period of time. I think because in those first couple of weeks I felt like I already knew my baby as well as you can ever know another person. It was an incredible sort of bonding and being that I’m not sure how to express. The nightly wakeups for feedings just became a part of me. I didn’t resent the lack of sleep, in fact, I didn’t complain that I was tired, merely acknowledged it. I was just living and breathing for this new person in my life.

The first couple of months with a baby really continue like that. A newborn just eats, sleeps, and requires a lot of diaper changes. They do start to stay awake a bit more and interact a bit towards the end of that period, but they really depend on you 100%. While L still depends completely on me and Matt, he can now express himself and his desires. If he wants cheerios, he will go into the bottom of his stroller and grab them. If he wants to get to something, he will crawl, cruise and climb there (or point to you and then the direction he wants to go). If he wants to read, he will grab a book and hand it to you. When did this little baby turn into his own person?  When I talk to people about being a mom, I can’t help but describe the incredible wonder that is watching a baby go from almost nothing to everything.

From the day I heard L’s heartbeat, through today, I’ve been in love. Each giggle, each new milestone, every single big smile, all of those things take that love to a deeper level than possible. Oh trust me, there are days when Matt gets home and I say “your turn” as soon as he walks through the door. I’ve had moments where I’m ready to cry in frustration. Though, as I reflect on this year as a whole, those moments seem so small and insignificant. Fleeting even. How will I feel three, five, ten and twenty years from now, Gd willing?

What an incredible year and journey it has been. It’s changed me in ways I never thought imaginable. I’m a different person as a mom than I ever pictured or imagined. And yet, it’s all so natural, like it was always set to be this way. Thank you, L, for being such a magical part of my life. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I love you.

A look back on a year of New Mom posts:

Introducing L

Breastfeeding struggles (1 month old post-partum)

Breastfeeding struggles (1 1/2 months post-partum)

A new not-so-normal (2 months post-partum)

Breastfeeding update (3 months post-partum)

Body image (3 months post-partum)

Mom & baby must haves (for a newborn)

Day in the life with a 4 month old

Body image (6 months post-partum)

Tips for travelling with a baby

Real life (7 1/2 months post-partum)

Day in the life with a 7 1/2 month old

How to bake with a baby

New Mom Real Talk: 5 Tips on How to Bake with a Baby

Apparently it’s been four months since my last New Mom post. There has been been an amazing amount of change from 7 1/2 months to 11 1/2 months. At that point, L had only been mobile for a few weeks and now he is on the verge of walking. He basically spends most of the time giving me mini heart attacks while he climbs, dives and attempts flying. Adventures in momhood to say the least!

What I want to talk about in this post, though, is baking with a baby. A lot of people ask me how I find the time to bake with a little one so I thought it would be a useful blog post to share. And when I say baking with a baby, I don’t mean having L participate (though I look forward to the opportunity!), I mean figuring out how to bake around your baby’s schedule and needs. Note that I don’t have any childcare except for the occasional visit from a grandma.

1) Plan ahead: Most weekends, I look at my editorial calendar and then make a schedule of baking and photography for the week. I try to do 99% of this work while L is napping so I have about 3 hours / day. However, that is also the time I use to workout, shower (er….), catch up on computer work, cook dinner, etc.

Sidenote: someone recently asked me if I could put L in the bathroom to “sit and play” while I showered. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought. That child would get into everything, and I mean everything if left to his own devices. Nice idea but, no.

If you aren’t a blogger, you luckily don’t have to worry about the daytime light and photography issue. If you are a baking blogger, like me, and your child naps twice a day, consider baking during nap number one and then take pictures during nap number two. That should give your recipe enough time to cool, etc. and hopefully you still have some good light (winter will be interesting…).

Make cookie dough early in the week and have a few options of times when you can bake the cookies.

2) Have a back-up plan: Babies may be on schedules, but they also have their own agendas. I can’t tell you how many times I thought I had it all figured out and L would surprise me by refusing to nap in his crib or waking up early from a nap. For the days when naps don’t happen, I send my condolences. Kidding (sort of), but that definitely throws a wrench in things.

From a mom perspective, my first objective is to get L to take a nap in some shape or form which means rocking/nursing him (not an option for long) to sleep, a stroller nap or a car nap. Obviously none of these options gives you time in the kitchen which is why you need a back-up plan. More specifically, have extra time in your schedule for when something like this happens. Consider baking when dad comes home (not ideal if you want a chance to unwind with your husband, are physically exhausted at this point, or just want to get other work done. Alternatively, save the work for the next nap. Eventually it will happen!

In terms of an early nap wake-up, this can be so frustrating! You are in the groove, you’ve got a cake in the oven, cookies set up to photograph by the window, and ice cream chilling in the freezer. Rock star mom! All of the sudden your little one wakes up and that forty five minute window you thought you had for productivity disappears. Think again. Get your baby, calm him down (because let’s be honest, babies never wakeup early from naps in a “good” mood), and get him entertained. Depending on how much time I need to buy, I’ll occasionally put L on the kitchen floor with a bowl and wooden spoon and have him “stir”. If I really need a good amount of time, or I need him to stay away from a photo shoot, I get him in the high chair with food or entertainment. Cheerios were invented for a reason! If your baby is young enough for a bouncy seat or  jumperoo, even better!

3) Prioritize: What is imperative for you to get done? Is it that you just need something, anything, to bring for dessert to a party? Pick your easiest recipe. Do you have to make a big batch item for the school potluck? Make something like a blondie or brownie. Are you a blogger that has a sponsored post deadline quickly approaching? That should obviously be first on your list. Figure out what needs to get done asap and do that  first because you never know when your next nap time plan will go amok (see #2). And things like dishes? They can wait until later. I’m sure your husband is happy to help you load and unload the dishwasher.

4) Be organized and work efficiently: This really goes along with number 1! When you are planning things  out, think about what types of recipes you can make at the same time. For  example, cakes need plenty of baking time, can you use that time to make a cookie dough that you will be chilling overnight anyway? Or maybe photography yesterday’s recipe while the cake is baking.

When you know you have a day full of baking projects, take your butter and eggs out of the fridge in the morning so they will be ready for you at room temperature. Better yet, get most of your ingredients out along with special cake pans, etc. so that as soon as you have the chance to get to work, everything is ready to go! I’ve had times where I put L down for a nap only to realize that the specific cake pan I needed was in his room. Not to mention the time I woke him up while trying to get to a new bag of brown sugar. And yes, we have our “pantry” in L’s room. #apartmentproblems

Bake cake layers on day one and make frosting on day two to fit a layer cake into your schedule!

5) Make it fun: Even if you are blogger and baking has become a part of your job, don’t forget to have fun with it! You probably started baking because you loved it and don’t let the time constraints and challenges diminish that. If your baby is small enough, wear him while you bake (ah, I miss those days!). If he is old enough, find ways that he can “help” you. And if all else fails, save those cookies for stress eating later. Magic.

Any additional tips you have to share? Leave them in the comments!

Real life. Some weeks are harder than others.

I try really hard not to complain about L because generally, he is a pretty easy baby. I’m knocking on wood as I type this, but it’s true. We’ve been so lucky with him.

But you know what? Some weeks, no matter how “perfect” your child is, can be really hard and tiring. Last week there was one day where I showered as fast as possible while listening to him scream in his crib. Yeah, teething + not wanting to nap = rough day all around. In fact, I didn’t write a weekly update post last week because I just couldn’t bring myself to be “chipper” and light.  It happens.

Sometimes I limit L’s “real food” meals because I just don’t feel like cleaning up another colossal mess. Sometimes I sing the ABCs for twenty minutes straight in the car out of necessity. Sometimes the Jumperoo is a lifesaver because I can’t be “on” for an additional thirty minutes. And when all of Sunday morning is spent at the doctor’s office because you clipped your baby’s finger instead of nail and it just won’t stop bleeding, you wonder how many gigantic Toblerone bars are acceptable for consuming.

But that’s life. Ups and downs. Easy days, hard days, harder days. There isn’t any real point to this post except to say that we all have those tough days. Yeah, I mostly talk about the good stuff, because 1) it’s more fun to write and 2) it’s definitely more appealing to read. But don’t let the photos, posts and all the fluff fool you. It’s real life here, too!

This post contains affiliate links.

New Mom Real Talk: 6-month postpartum body image, dieting, working out etc. My last post on the topic of post-baby body image, etc. was written almost three months ago, so I thought it was time to revisit the topic.

Confession time. A few days ago, for the first time since my first trimester of pregnancy, I thought to myself, “I feel fat and disgusting. Maybe I shouldn’t eat as much today.” But you know what, about one second later I thought, “What a horrible way to feel. I don’t think that way anymore and I’m not going to start.” Well, that’s the short version but it’s true. My thoughts about my body changed so much when I got pregnant as did my perspective towards food. Postpartum, I’ve actually surprised myself at how little I’ve “cared” about the two subjects. And you know what? It’s liberating. I always wondered what I’d have time to worry about if I didn’t worry about my weight, calories, etc. and turns out I have time to worry about a baby and family. Seems like a pretty good trade-off to me.

Airport selfie

The   thing is, I basically let myself off the hook. After L was born, for a while it felt like it would be pretty selfish to worry about counting calories and losing the baby weight. And frankly, I didn’t have the time or the energy. Plus, I’ve been breastfeeding, so my main concern has been eating enough to make sure I can adequately feed L. Generally I eat when I’m hungry (pretty much whatever I want though I typically choose healthy foods) and every day (usually at night), I have some sort of treat. Sometimes it’s two cookies or a couple pieces of chocolate. Some days I go a bit overboard and have a bowl of ice cream too many. The amazing thing, though, is that I realize I’m a little too full and I probably shouldn’t eat so much but don’t let that feeling of guilt creep in. Like I said, liberating.

Hi, Rach! <3

Somehow I’ve been lucky enough to get back to my pre-baby size (er, well, my shape and form is a bit… different). For the last couple of weeks I’ve even been able to wear some of my long-lost and neglected jeans. There are still plenty of shirts that don’t fit and don’t expect me to wear a tight shirt with pants that button, but still, progress. If you are counting, that’s about six months to get back to my pre-baby and pre-hormone size (I gained a few pounds while trying to get pregnant). That might sound like a long time to some people, but I actually thought it would take much longer than that. Letting myself off the hook made it SO not stressful. Seriously, I think back to the days where I’d let my weight consume me and wonder how I can prevent that from happening again.

I’m not perfect and I know that there will be ups and downs in life (and weight) that may mess with my mind. There is a part of me that’s afraid for what will happen when I stop breastfeeding. Will I be able to continue to eat intuitively and maintain my weight? I certainly don’t want to go back to the days of diets, restrictions, and all-consuming body shaming thoughts.

With L on Passover

New Mom Real Talk: Mom and Baby Must-Haves (through 16-weeks post-partum)

Before L was born, I consulted so many online lists and asked friends what we would need for a newborn. Many of them were helpful but it took just getting through daily life with L to really know what we needed. These aren’t comprehensive lists of everything you need (obvious things like diapers and wipes are left off), just some key items that really help us out on a regular basis.

Baby Must-Haves

• Swaddle Me Velcro Swaddles– L was a swaddle escapist from the start and his startle reflex still can be a sleeping deal-breaker. Once we insured that he was in an escape-proof swaddle, his full-night sleep was MUCH more regular. I’m kind of terrified of the day we have to stop swaddling.
• The Mamaroo- I really didn’t want to like this because it seemed so expensive for something L could only use for a few months… and in fact he didn’t like it in the beginning. However, once he was a few weeks old it was great for naps (and still is). We were also lucky because we got to borrow one from Matt’s brother.
• Lovies– I don’t know what it is, but L has started to LOVE lovies! He cuddles up with them for Mamaroo naps and it is pretty much the cutest thing ever.
• Overnight Diapers– Okay, I lied about not listing diapers. This may seem obvious to some of you, but I really thought that these were just a way to get you to spend extra money. However, the overnights keep L from soaking his clothes / are just as important as the swaddle when it comes to him sleeping through the night! We use Pampers (and Pampers Swaddlers during the day).

• The Snot Sucker– I didn’t know about this until L got his cold and my best friend promised that it would work SO much better than the regular bulb. She was right! Plus, he doesn’t seem to mind when we use it.
• Video Baby Monitor– It makes it so much easier not to worry about every little baby noise (especially in the beginning) when you can look at the video monitor. Plus, this one has a wifi system so if Matt or I are out we can take a peak at L in the crib. Oh yeah, and you can talk through the monitor! Not sure if that will end up being useful or not but it seems cool.

New Mom Must-Haves

• Water Bottles– I don’t even bother drinking from a glass when I’m home. Nursing makes me super thirsty and I pretty much guzzle water all day like it’s my job.
• Lactation Cookies– I have no idea if these work, but they taste good! They freeze really well and I’m making my way through my second batch now. 
• Nursing tanks– I should have bought more than two of these because I’d live in them. As it is, I sleep in one every night.
• Comfy clothes– One of my best friends bought me cute sweats for my birthday this year knowing that they’d be great for post-baby. She was so right! I pretty much lived in them for the first month after L was born because they were cute, fit over my still bloated belly and didn’t irritate my incision.
• Baby K’tan– It took me a couple tries to get it right originally, but then it was so easy to use. No tying, looping or anything complicated. In the beginning L would always fall asleep in the K’tan right away. Now he likes to look around and see everything but it’s so convenient to wear him for some errands (or even around the apartment). We also have an Ergo that Matt uses.
• And just in case it wasn’t obvious… wine, chocolate and ice cream. 

This post contains affiliate links.

New Mom Real Talk: body image, dieting, working out and all that jazz.

Per usual, I have a lot of thoughts on a subject and sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. However, I think I need to start this post by being honest and saying that prior to being pregnant, I don’t remember a single day where I wasn’t on some sort of diet (even when I tried “intuitive eating” for a while, I never really got out of my dieting mentality). So as someone who truly has considered herself a chronic dieter, it has been quite liberating to generally eat whatever I have wanted for the last twelve months.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to eat a pretty balanced diet since what I ate affected the baby while I was pregnant and still can have an effect now that I’m breastfeeding. I also kept an eye on calories while I was pregnant to make sure I was eating enough (and not eating too, too much). Of course I was concerned with pregnancy weight gain, but only in the sense that I wanted it to be a healthy amount for the baby, not because I was worried about how I looked at the time. On top of this, I worked out most days of the week every.single.week. throughout my pregnancy. I figured if I stayed in shape and minimized the amount of time where I wasn’t exercising (presumably the six weeks postpartum before doctor clearance), getting back in shape after baby would be that much easier.

Ha! That last thought really makes me laugh a bit right now. If you read this post, you know that by two months postpartum, I hadn’t started to workout yet. It wasn’t for medical reasons, I just could not find the time, energy and motivation to do it. Since then, I’ve done a couple of workouts here and there… mostly yoga with some walking and an abbreviated T25 (yes, you can do a short amount of an already short workout) in the mix. Last week I actually decided that I’d aim to workout at least twice a week going forward. Too bad the flu put a halt on that idea!

Anyway, I’m still a few pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight (which was up a few pounds from my “happy” weight thanks to hormone-related pills while trying to get pregnant). Some days I don’t care at all. Some days I care a lot. That’s usually just when I want to wear something other than leggings or sweatpants (and occasionally when I think about the women who are in such better shape than I am post-pregnancy). Generally, though,  I’m fine with my limited spandex-led wardrobe and extra-soft belly.

The thing is, I don’t have much motivation to really do anything about it at this point. In terms of dieting, my primary focus is eating enough so that my supply stays up for L. My second focus is just eating well enough. I mean, who has time to diet and food obsess when they have a three-month old? Plus, at the end of a long day, you better believe I’m having that cookie (or two), bowl of ice cream and/or big glass of wine. It’s just not worth it to me at this point to put limitations on that. Plus, I know myself, setting foods as “off-limit” never ends well.

So where does that leave me? Mostly what I feel now is a desire to just keep doing what I’m doing. In reality, I’ve lost the bulk of my pregnancy weight by intuitively eating (really for the first time in my life!), and that I feel very good about. I would like to start exercising more because I know that will just make me feel good mentally and physically. But more doesn’t mean every day, it means when I can which is hopefully a couple of times each week. I just have to keep reminding myself that I don’t need to be skinny and that if I’m still wearing leggings by the time I go to Florida next month, well, that’s okay too!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I will admit that one of my big breastfeeding motivators was/is weight-loss. Just keeping it real.

New Mom Real Talk: 2 Months Postpartum

While I still have so much to say on the topic of breastfeeding, I thought we should take a break and talk about some of the other aspects of momhood. As L turned 2 months old yesterday, I was thinking a lot about  where I am in getting back to “normalcy.” Let’s just say that as I write this post, my thoughts on the topic are completely scattered and that is basically how I feel about my life on a regular basis. This is NOT a bad thing. In fact, I am beyond happy being a mom. I actually love being a mom (even more than I ever imagined I would). I was lucky to connect with L from the moment he was born, and as he develops his personality I just become more enamored every day.

But I digress. So, normalcy. What does that even mean? Obviously we are talking about a new normal; one that bridges life before baby to life with baby. While I knew that my day-to-day would change and I’d be focused on taking care of a newborn, I think I figured that around the two month mark things would be settled into place and I’d have my you-know-what together. I’d be back at the gym, working on the blog, and thinking about the next step in my career. Um, what?! Maybe it’s because two months is a normal maternity leave for many women, I thought that meant that two months is how long it should take to really be a productive, functioning mom. HA!

The new normal is scheduling my day around feedings (and/or pumping time), a little play time with L, doing many, many loads of laundry (for such a little person, L sure requires a lot of outfit changes), and functioning on just enough sleep. That leaves a few 1-2 hour naps throughout the day to get as much done as possible (ahem, laundry).

Throughout my pregnancy I did yoga, barre workouts and power walked until the very end. I thought that if I could minimize my time between stopping exercise and picking it back up (presumably 6-weeks postpartum), it would be so much easier to get back into shape. <—–HA again! Seriously, while I do miss working out (especially yoga), in the blocks of time that I have available it’s last on my list of things to do. Sometimes we need groceries. Sometimes I have errands to run, and sometimes (okay, all the time), I just don’t have the energy. If I actually find myself without laundry to fold, a bed to make or dinner to cook (who am I kidding, I’ve cooked a full dinner ONCE since L was born), working out really just doesn’t seem appealing in the moment. I’d rather sit on the couch with Matt and just chill out for an hour or so. It’s required for my mental health.

I guess what I’m saying is that life is still one big ball of crazy. Yes, I’m getting a bit more sleep than when L was first born and yes I have gone out a few times without him (often reluctantly), but I don’t feel like things have settled much at all. Or maybe they have and this really is my new normal?

I think I am okay with that. Though, it would be nice if I didn’t feel like my eyebrow situation was out of hand and I could get more than just one thing done a day (this could be thank you notes, chopping up vegetables, or taking a return to the GAP). I’m repeatedly trying to tell myself that it’s okay that I don’t have it all together. There is plenty of time in my future for working out, dieting (er, maybe?), and getting a job. I’m trying to savor each moment and cuddle as much as possible because I know that they are fleeting. I feel extremely lucky that I have the privilege of being home with L for an undetermined amount of time.

However, there are thoughts in the back of my head that pop up every now and again. What’s wrong with me that I’m not more together at this point? How am I not in the gym already (I’ve read blogs where women are working out just three weeks postpartum!)? A month after baby leggings were okay, but shouldn’t I have lost the baby weight by now (or at least tried)? Back and forth I go trying to reassure myself that where I am now is OKAY. Frankly, I bust my butt on a daily basis just trying to keep L’s feeding in check and that really should be all that matters.

Maybe in a few weeks things will settle down, and maybe they won’t. Maybe I won’t know the new normal until L is one year old. And maybe there won’t be a normal. Maybe I should just take each day, one at a time, and see where it takes me. Really, as long as I get to snuggle with my boys, do I really need to worry about the rest?